Quote of the day:
- A woman, in front of her kids, after being told the name of the 'copter. So many jokes I could have said back, but I just laughed.
"Why do they name everything after vibrators now? Silver bullet this. Silver bullet that."
Sales: Silver Bullet: 61
I swear I sold closer to 100, but I guess it was the shortest day and I didn't have any of the money makers.
I totally forgot the two dumbest things I see on a daily basis.
1. Candy Machine. Denied.
There's a candy machine right by the entrance with what appear to M&M's in them. It's written very clearly "this is not a working unit" twice on the front of the machine. Does this prevent 50 people a day from putting their hand in front of it? Of course not. I wish I could cue it to say "You are really dumb. For real." every time they put their hand there. Instead I just roll my eyes. Whatever, I get it. It's a candy machine*. You have to try. But the people who drive me nuts are the ones who don't get candy and then fuss and spend a good twenty seconds looking shocked and still fail to read the sign. At that point I wish they would just have it dispense cyanide. The counter to this? One kid stuck his grubby little finger inside and somehow got an M&M out despite it being designed to prevent this. I wanted to throw this kid a parade**. Anyway, 50 people tried to get candy. I'll start tracking this.
2. People. People who sell helicopters. Are the luckiest people...
People constantly tell me: "You get paid for this?" "You just fly helicopters all day?" "You have the best job in the world!" When kids tell me this I think, sure, at 11 I would have thought the same damn thing. When a 50 year old tells me how lucky I am, I want to tell them to fuck off. I'm in god damn Lafayette, Louisiana in the mall. The same 23 Christmas songs are playing on a loop. At least one of them is from a Glee soundtrack. Somehow the only one I liked, by Ben Folds, got cut from the mix, I have to wear a tie and stand on my feet all day and ask you how old your grandson is. Yes, I do enjoy playing with an endless supply of helicopters and batteries and I sure do need the money. But please, don't patronize me with a line that I have the best job in the world. Maybe the best job in the mall.
- # of kids with a Justin Bieber t-shirt/haircut: 0 On Sunday, Bieber and god rest.
- # of t-shirts dedicated to someone who died: 0
- # of gifts I got: 0, but the staff at the mall calling me Austin now makes me sad and miss home.
- # of times I remember hearing “Winter Wonderland” on the Christmas mix: 2. Now I keep hearing "Christmas Tree, oh Christmas Tree" and that "Last year I gave you my heart" song and they both suck a big bag of dicks.
- # of free Asian chicken samples: 3. I cut back. I'm kind of getting over Terriyaki.
- Blue striped shirt -2nd day of it.
- Khaki pants -3rd day in a row.
- Silver tie - 3rd day in a row I think he's doing that dice move too much...
*The candy machine costs $50. Ya know what's better than a $50 candy machine? $50 worth of candy and a big free bag.
**I wouldn't want to go to said parade, because parades are really lame, but this kid deserved one.